Second thoughts- part 2

So I am having second thoughts, especially introducing the poo monkey to the Wiggles' song "Rock a bye your bear", which now has to go on repeat in the car. The song is one and a half minutes long, the trip to my parents' place takes 45 minutes.

You do the maths.

Is it just me, or can you picture that song in place of "Stuck in the Middle With You" in the infamous ear scene in Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs?

Anyway on a more serious note, I have been doing a fair bit of navel gazing lately. In short, I want #2...but I don't want the reality that goes with #2:

1. IVF
I don't want to do all the snorting, shooting up, bulking out, dildocaming up and spinning out again. Insert a whiney 'it's not faiirr' here, especially as there have been a number of new pregnancy announcements in my life lately. From people who just had to shag their husbands. Imagine!

2. Witching hour
I'm crap at it with only one child, as the poo monkey kindly pointed out two weeks ago when she sank her fangs into my shoulder in a display of frustration that was only slightly less rational than mine. Enough said.

3. Career suicide
You can manage work with one, we are so lucky in that my parents look after the poo monkey the two days that I work every week...it would be pushing the friendship to throw another munchkin their way. Oh yeah, and did I mention that I was stupid enough to put in for a more senior position at work and that the interview is at the end of this month? Torn being trying to have it all (and some decent money)...and heading off down the Mummy track. Bah.

4. Living here
We live in the Blue Mountains. Both hubs and I work in the city. The commute is horrendous, up to two hours each way. It's so bad that the poo monkey and I actually stay with my parents on the days that I work- because they are only on hour's commute from my job, and hubs tries to organise his work travel to coincide with those days. Great for the marriage and all.
Not to mention that I am sick of our house. Yes, it's a beautiful area but we can't really go outside with our girl because of the dodgy, dodgy layout of the yard, with head splitting potential just trying to get into the car. I need an excavator and a licence and I would level this sucker I tell you. The yard, that is, not the house.

5. Thyroids ahoy.
Latest blood test looking OK, what is not OK is having to wait until October to see an Endocrinologist to best work out how to manage my condition before we have completed our family. Stupid gland, couldn't you have waited another five years before having your hissy?

Common sense dictates that my feelings about 1 through 5 need to be resolved before we trudge down the Assisted Conception TTC path again. So why do I feel so teary whenever I see a newborn, and my heart beat so fast with that niggling and mostly irrational fear that I may never get to experience all of that again?

Sigh. Guess we should get through hub's surgery first (yes there's that too).

ETA: Just realised that the poo monkey is seventeen months old today. Will have to get around to a special post about that another time, there are so many new and amazing skills and developments to report and i fear I won't do my girl justice in my current mood.