The end of the beginning (ten months)

And so it is that my little girl has reached yet another milestone. Double digits in months, surely it is all down hill to the teenage years from now on.

Seriously, it is amazing how quickly the time is flying by....yet it is wonderful to have finally experienced that really giddy, dizzying, so in love with my baby feeling that I had heard so many other mothers talk about. To look at your baby and just feel such a hot rush of intense loving connection with your little one. Maybe I have just lost the plot...or am a slow learner!

Anyway, we are now approaching and conquering milestones at a rapid fire pace. Babbling conversations are becoming increasingly more complex, and it is mindblowing to see how much English my little one actually comprehends. She understands and responds to "Where's Daddy/Mummy/Nana/Popster/Puppy (a favourite stuffed toy)/the Pretty Lady (a picture)/the light/Growly (a giant bear)?", "Clap hands" and "Turn the page for Mummy".

How clever is my little munchkin? She loves books with peekaboo flaps and textures (and yes she really does turn pages), clapping her hands with delight to singing and music- and to signal the end of her meal- and putting in her dummy herself when it is bedtime (accompanied by a lovely "golly golly golly" type babble).

Our cheeky monkey is definitely more cerebral than physical. She is only just launching forward onto her stomach, although instead of attempting to crawl she mostly keeps rolling over! That's my girl.

Would you believe that no teeth have popped up yet, even though the signs have been there (swollen gums, dribbling, irritability, biting rather than sucking on everything in sight)?

We are weaning. Although I hate to admit to it, I was finding it too much to keep up the lunchtime feed with a baby who wanted to constantly pull on and off the breast, pinching, biting and trying to pick off the moles on my upper arms all at one. In my selfconscious state I grew tired of the constant public displays of breast.

So... against the advice of most of early childhood 'experts' I have talked to recently, I introduced the bottle rather than the cup and she took to it like a champion, thanks to pigeon peristaltic teats. We're working our way from lactose free formula to the good old s26 gold, the latter being the inexplicable way I managed to get my boob juice baby to take formula.

We both like the bottle. It gives us a chance to stare into each others eyes, and free from my tension about being bitten/displaying boob/being pinched, we both relax and enjoy the moment. Not sure that it would be the same with the straw cup (although little miss drinks water from that like a champ). There's plenty of time for being that independent later.

However we are on a slippery slope, already we are onto a top up nighttime bottle (yes again against formal assvice, and this will be the next feed dropped due to the biting and general horsing around)...and I am pumping twice a day after the morning and nighttime feeds to try and keep my supply up a bit, along with ingesting fenugreek tablets which make me smell somewhat akin to maple syrup. Sadly I don't have much supply in the left breast anymore, even though my girl is happy to take that one again after her inexplicable strike.

I think it's normal to feel a bit paranoid that the snuffles my girl have at the moment are somehow due to the formula, and to feel a bit guilty about weaning before twelve months and therefore somehow being a"bad" mother (my opinion about myself only and never ever something I would think about anyone else. Consider it a perfectionist personality flaw and something I will discuss at a later date).

I don't think either of us want to give up the wake up morning booby yet, even though I think it is more of a comfort suck than for sustenance. So we will keep going with that one as long as we can...kind of holding onto this stage of our relationship, what I refer to as the end of the beginning.

I can't wait to see what's next in store, but I also want to hold onto the moment as long as I can.