Thursday, August 31, 2006

Insane in the membrane

Monday 3 September: Start snorting Synarel to bring on the hot flushes et al.

Thursday 14 September: Give good vein and learn how to stab myself in the stomach again so as to maximise bruising and tenderness.

Friday 15 September: Commence filling up my loudly and proudly displayed hazardous waste bin with the pointy bits from the Purgeon pen, muttering "happy 5th wedding anniversary" to hubs as I go.

Chuck in a couple more blood extractions and a date or two with the ever exciting dildo cam, a hormonally induced emotional breakdown and a weight gain of about five kilos, then...

Sometime after the 25th September:

1. Succumb to the delights of general anaethesia so that my fertility specialist can insert an enormous needle through the wall of my cooter to suck some googy eggs out.

2. Sperm, meet needle. Needle, meet egg. Newly formed embryo(s): divide for your life!

3. Indulge in a hot and heavy fifteen minutes of baby making two or so days after (egg) pick up. Just me and hubs....and the embryologist, and the catheter wielding doctor...

4. Spend the next two weeks wondering if the reason I have turned into such a moody biatch is because of crinone *ahem* squishiness or because I am, once again, host to a small human like creature. Either way, a lot of the cranky pantedness will definitely be due to the sudden removal of caffeine and the (sometimes more than) occasional glass of wine from my diet.

5. Blood let one more time to know whether I will indeed be getting fatter and even moodier over the next eight or so months. Or whether we will be having a break before thawing one of our frozen pop tarts (if we have any), or whether we will be repeating steps 1 to 7 again (and hopefully not again, and..).

Am I completely nucking futs or what?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Nineteen months

"Cup of tea...owright?!

And this, my darling girl, pretty much sums up where you are at right now at nineteen months of age. Hurtling towards proper speech, a born to be wild attitude, a living breathing manifestation of human passion.

We've lost count of how many words you know, new ones pop up all the time, usually in little sentences, sentences which show us that you are also learning so many other concepts as well:

" Wed car-duh-gin" you said to your Nana yesterday, as you played with the buttons on what was indeed her red cardigan.

"Ah-bee up and ah-bee dohwn"...a running commentary along with the Wiggles' 'twist' and whenever you are picked up or want to get back into the action.

"Cooking", "Cleaning", "Walking" . Those action words are starting to creep into your vocabulary.

" Cold 'ans...cold mummy" you correctly observed as I have undressed you for your bath, unintentionally touching your lovely warm skin with my icy cold fingers

"Hot cuppa tea" is one of your favourite sayings, and you also delight in pointing out your "bot-uhl..warm" as your wrap your fingers around it in the morning.

"Punkin bread oh punkin bread more punkin bread" . It should come as no surprise that you know so many food related words, given your love of tasty treats. At the moment you adore your yellow and orange fruits and veg, and are totally self feeding, which is a huge relief. Your dolt of a mother did not realise that the reason you were throwing meal time tanties was because you wanted to do it all yourself, especially things like yoghurt which you delight in spooning carefully into your mouth. You might not be au fait with your fork, and you often toss the spoon to one side and simply dig in with your fingers...but you do love your newfound sense of total feeding independence.

Colours, temperature, counting...you love to point out two of everything, indeed everything in your world is to be paired up for peace to prevail. The number three is so far reserved for pushing off on your slide, which you climb up with ease before gleefully shouting "Owright" as you stand at the top. This month has seen you gain greater confidence in your gross motor skills. Your fine motor skills are just plain scary, as evidennced by your ability to do up the straps on your booster chair and stroller.

You are totally a Nana's (and Daddy's, and Poppy's...) girl at the moment, saving your best tanties for Mum. Let us not speak of your increasingly frequent outbursts of raw toddler frustration and emotion. "No jumper...hot...no! no! No!!" Enough said.

Nine teeth now grace your mouth: two top front teeth, two top molars, three and a half front bottom teeth and one bottom molar. Teething, like most other things, is not being done in a conventional fashion.

We're back to sleeping well both in the day and at night *fingers so tightly crossed it almost hurts*.

Love you so much, beautiful girl. You continue to delight and amaze us, your Mum and Dad, the mere mortals given the extraordinary priveledge of bringing you into this world. Keep charging full speed ahead!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Poo de doo

In an ominous sign that all posts continue to be poo related for the next little while, it is my solemn duty to inform you, dear reader, that the poo monkey is currently suffering from a tummy bug. A bug I shall name the Clayminator, due to the yellow paste explosions that are the result of this critter's dastardly work.

Suffice to say, my girl is not feeling that well. It is not the many tantrums that I have endured if I fail to switch on the Wiggles' DVD within a nanosecond of being issued the demand over the last couple of days that has made that abundantly clear to me.

Nope...little miss has lost her appetite. Yes, you read that correctly. The poo monkey is not eating as much as normal. And she is refusing food too.

What next, a fussy feeder?

Poor little mite. And she's teething, just to add to the hilarity of the situation. Here's hoping things improve soon. I want to get back to marveling at the freakish speed at which our girl develops news skills (where the hell did she learn about elbows, I ask you).

In the meantime...hubs, if you reading this can you please empty the festering pit of faecal doom nappy bin when you get home?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

All done

So the poo monkey used the potty for a total of twenty four hours, with a 100 % success rate. I was stunned. Her father was stunned. The poo monkey could not have cared less.

The very next time I asked her if she needed to go, she said "no, no potty"...went away for a play and promptly loaded her nappy, proudly announcing "poo poo". Now she passes by the potty, points out what it is and then goes on her merry way (usually back to demanding to watch the 'iggles for the forty seven thousandth fricking time that day).

To me it seems to be a case of, "been there, done that, what else is there to do?".

Am very happy to wait until summer...and training straight to the toilet. Note to novices, a poo floater in wee sauce is a sensory delight. Not. Do NOT buy a white potty, our blue one is bad enough.

Our girl is moving onto other things, like not sleeping, quite possibly due to Wiggles overload all of the learning due to the excellent quality stimulating environment that Mummy always provides.

Fun times people, fun times*.

*This sums up what it is like to be the parent of a toddler going through a massive developmental leap. You are constantly in awe of them, love them to death...but just want the little munchkins to go to sleep so that you can have a short bit of respite from the constant demands...

Sunday, August 13, 2006

...bit I'm not ready for this!

So the poo monkey has decided that it's time to toilet train. I'm firmly convinced that she knew that her mother was not ready for this, hoping instead to do the deed over summer when there are less clothes to be shed and more favourable warm conditions for bare little bottoms. Not to mention the fact that she's only 18 months old...

No such luck. The number and frequency of pre poo and wee pronouncements, the post movement proclamations of "poo poo nappy" became too much to ignore.

Last night, as she was sitting in her bath, little miss simply said "poo poo...potty. Abi potty". What choice did I have other than to let her give it a go?

And so here we are, potty training. Little miss lets us know when she wants to go or we sit her on the pot after meals/when she wakes up/ at bathtime...and she does her business. We've hastily bought some pullup pants thingies as aparently nappies are now so last month.

I have no idea what I'm doing..but whatever. We'll just go with the flow, pardon the pun.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Tick cluck...tick cluck...

I'm ready, so watch this space!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Eighteen months

Our little girl is a year and a half year old, and to celebrate she has started to talk in two and three word phrases or sentences. It is so hilarious to have your little one holler out "MUM" (no mama or mummy here)and then run up to you exclaiming "dirty hands! dirty hands!" before replying "thankyou" (ta is for babies Mum) when you have remedied the situation.

Add that to the minimum ten or so new words added to the poo monkey's vocabulary each day, her ability to identify over forty items in picture books and puzzle boards and to name and point to at least twenty different body parts on herself and others and I think it is fairly safe to say that we have no problems in the speech and cognitive development department.

********

The poo monkey is making slow but steady progress when it comes to gross motor skills- she can blame her genetic heritage for her cerebral rather than sporting prowess- her climbing skills are improving, as is the speed at which she walks and runs. Part of the problem is her Mummy's anxious overprotective tendencies, the poo monkey's complete lack of fear and a ready team of devotees ready to do things for our girl before she even gets the chance to try for herself.

It is in this area that we are seeing a few mini tantrums.....

********

Cheeky little miss is still a well rounded girl, weighing in just over 14kgs and therefore off the charts. Hopefully the weight gain will soon come under control with a combination of finally agreeing to mostly feed herself when it comes to using a spoon, using a little table and chairs rather than a high chair (so that little miss can more readily wander off when she has had enough instead of cleaning the bowl), an increased level of physical activity and little miss being able to clearly express "all gone" "all done" and "more".

Can't say we have ever experienced the stock standard toddler fussy feeding habits EVER in this household, in fact it has always been the opposite. One disadvantage of having an early talker are the constant requests for "pikeys (pikelets)! bikkies! cake! (the girl has an exceptional memory, having only ever had a few morsels in her time) cheese! (her favourite food in the world- still)". The advantage of having a great feeder is that you can usually tempt her with healthier options such as fresh fruit or even steamed or baked vegies when she is feeling peckish.

It will all come good. I hope.

***********

As I type I can see the poo monkey on the monitor, fast asleep in spite of a really dodgy head cold. Copious amounts of the snotty stuff aside, I'd like to finish with something that really sums up why it's all been worthwhile:

The poo monkey now says "Bye bye Mum" and blows me a kiss at bedtime.

Does it get any better than this?