Saturday, April 29, 2006

A quickie

The poo monkey has popped out to the shops with hubs, so I thought I would write up a quick post in between my oh-my-god-i-am-going-back-to-work-and-i-miss-my-baby-already tears. And the cooking. And the washing. Ain't life grand and all that.

Yes, I am a bit freaked out about going back to work on Monday. Whilst I am looking forward to the chance to be something other than a mum again, my heart feels like it is breaking. I think this must be a bit what it feels like when your little one starts school.

Sigh.

I guess one good thing is that I don't have to buy any new work clothes. Thanks to my rather dodgy thyroid I am able to fit into lots of things I haven't been able to wear in about six years. Good classic pieces that haven't dated. Well at least I hope not.

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The poo monkey truly is toddling now, and it is such a delight to see the joy and pride on her face everytime she manages to take ten or so steps in a row. The world is opening up to my baby, and I hope that world is her oyster.

God I love her.

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Nana, the poo monkey and I went to the Pregnancy Babies and Children's expo yesterday. Said hi to the Essential Baby team at their stand (it's rather weird but great to meet someone who follows your online diary, hi Bel!). Highlights included:

1. Being accosted by a nun from the Billings stand who thrust information at me about natural fertility management. She must have seen the horns sprouting from my head. I didn't have the hear to tell her that the poo monkey is spawn of the great IVF satan, I was too busy laughing at the fact that my Mum was given a booklet on managing menopause the Billings way. Heh.

2. Six exhibitors watching the poo monkey's reaction following a taste test of toddler formula. She tried so hard to hide the shudder behind a smile. Back to to the lab kids!

I also bought a Peapods nappy to try as it's about time I went over to the dark side of modern cloth.

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Oh yeah, I have calmed down a fair bit about the whole Graves's Disease business. It's a bit like diabetes of the thyroid I guess. Manage it and you'll be fine. Or something like that.

According to my RE (who was running two hours late for the latest appointment, but hey who was clock watching) it could still be thyroiditis, but that it's more likely to be GD given my family history. We're still 'discussing' medications, ie my use of Neomercazole vs the more pregnancy friendly PTU. Even though reported congenital defects from NeoMerc are not life threatening and as my RE puts it "As rare as rocking horse shit", I must admit I am still not entirely convinced.

Other than that I am happy with his approach, which at this stage is to see if I can get my symptoms under control with half the usual minimum dose, thereby minimising these and any other risks from the medication. Especially the bit about getting fat. I'm being shallow, but there you go.

So I will be having a bloodtest in four weeks' time, and if my thyroid funcion has returned to normal hubs and I can decide when we want to start IVF. If not, we up the medication (and change to PTU- that's my thinking) and repeat the process until all is hunky dory. Deep down I really don't think there will be the chance to attempt to make baby number two in the next three months or so.

You know what though? I can live with that.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The good, the bad, and the ugly

The good: The fact that my almost fifteen month old daughter loves a fart joke, or as we call them around here, bottom burps. She giggles everytime she lets one rip, especially in the bath when the bubbles cause her to squeal with delight. She now tries to do them deliberately, sucking her stomach in hard and squeezing her bottom cheeks whenever anyone is around to share the moment. Toilet humour truly is universal- and it gets them in young.

The poo monkey's third tooth is on the up, as is her mood. Little miss is on the go, happily walking everywhere provided that she can hold your hands. Sometimes only one assisting hand is necessary, and we have had a few more unassisted leaps between various pieces of furniture. Her vocabulary has expanded to include woofing noises whenever we encounter a dog (or Daddy). Go figure.

The bad: Trying to get little miss to consume more liquid...actually any liquid other than her morning and evening bottles. Dealing with the inevitable head bumps that come with trying to walk. Having to deal with temper tantrums, crying jags (both mine and the poo monkey's) and doctor's appointments (mine)when hubs is away. More on the latter shortly.

The ugly: It's official, I have a thyroid problem. My latest blood test results showed that I have a shedload of antithyroid antibodies, massively decreased TSH and elevated T3. In other words, I have an autoimmune response happening with means my thyroid is producing way too much of one of its hormones, sending my metabolism into overdrive.

This fun little shindig is called hyperthyroidism and T3 toxicosis, and the happy minor side effects should this condition be left untreated include eye problems, early onset osteoporosis, recurrent miscarriages, heart failure... and the clincher is that it is eventually fatal. Yay team.

So there I was, my doc not only telling me that IVF is on hold until the condition is under control, but that I have to start medication right away, drugs which I would need to stay on when pregnant even though they could cause, amongst other things, congenital goiter for bubs, and oh yeah, you won't be able to breastfeed. As my doctor put it rather bluntly, it's a choice between taking a slight risk during pregnancy, and then having to bottlefeed....and a dead baby. Harsh, but I can see his point. Doesn't make it any less upsetting though.

I am told that the most likely cause of this happy state is an autoimmune condition called Graves' Disease
, and that I needed to go for a neck ultrasound to check on the size of my thyroid and to check for nodules which could also be causing the problem. Oh yeah, and that sometimes these nodules are actually cancerous.

That was when I made my RE promise that a) he would get me in for a scan that day, and b) he would organise me a valium if anyone was going to come near my neck with a needle for a biopsy.

So I had my scan that afternoon, and I have another appointment with my RE next week. Of course I opened up my scan results (gotta love those stickers they seal them with, "to be opened by referring doctor only". Yeah fucking right, as if that stops anyone). Thankfully I don't have any nodules, however my thyroid is at the upper end of normal size (yep, I am goitering up), and there is heterogenous vascularity going on. Or something.

As luck would have it, I met up with a couple of doctor friends yesterday. Upon showing them all my test results they both reckon that it's Graves' Disease. Apparently it tends to develop in your 30's and 40's (happy birthday hissy), and it tends to run in families. Lo and behold, I have just discovered that I have an auntie on each side of the family with thyroid condition. I'm a goiter girl, in a goiter world, or something like that.

And here I was thinking that I'd just been a bit wound up an wired lately, that maybe I was drinking too much caffeine. Ha!

Although this means that #2 is now on hold, I guess the good news is that they've caught this sucker early on, and that I will soon be rid of annoying symptoms whilst arresting the potential for more major health problems. The better news is that I have also just found out that there are safer drug alternatives if/when I do get pregnant, or the option of radioactive iodine therapy to permanently get rid of the problem (and create the opposite condition of hypothyroidism, but let's not go there yet).

The best news yet is that hubs is now not the only one in the house with an autoimmune condition. Couldn't have him asking for special treatment or anything.

ETA: If there is anyone out there (and I know you probably aren't) who has this condition, especially if you have dealt with it at the same time as IVF, please please delurk and give me hope...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Take two

Ok, so I have recovered from my little hissyfit. In summary, my post was about my current list of niggling little anxieties:

1. The poo monkey's weight, which has ballooned to 13.5 kg despite the fact that I offer a healthy varied diet and careful portion and meal frequency limitations. The potential health consequences, and the likelihood of ending up on Dr Phil for a "I hate my life and it's all my mother's fault" special in thirteen or so years' time.

2. Our quest to get the poo monkey to settle readily and sleep well by herself. It's fun listening to her protests right now...and wondering about the possibility of psychological damage. Not.

3. My return to work. I know it's only two days per week and that the poo monkey will be in the care of her beloved Nana and Pop during this time, but.... Hey, maybe in conjunction with niggling worry #2 my daughter might turn into a maladjusted sociopath rather than a guest on a dodgy American psychobabble show.

Not to mention my concerns about the person who will be my manager for the next little while, or the fact that my return to work means yet more time away from my husband (as my girl and I have to stay with my parents due to the impracticable commute from our house to my job). Or the fact that I haven't caught up on all the policy and legislative changes that have occurred whilst I was on leave. Ummm do I even like my job anyway? Damn the need for more money and stuff.

4. This week's IVF appointment. I know I shouldn't have let my brain get carried away but I am currently imagining a cancerous goiter eating our future baby. If that makes sense. Which of course it doesn't.

Oh blah. On a much more exciting note, the poo monkey has taken four steps- all by herself. Can't be much longer until she is officially walking. We are finally getting tooth number three, and her genius is shining through her ability to poke out her tongue Gene Simmons style when asked...not to mention the fact that she can differentiate between an eskimo and a butterfly kiss. So ner.

Putting (up with) the eff in freakout

I just lost a massive post.

FUCK you computer.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sleep (and lack thereof)

As I write, the poo monkey is tucked in her cot, blissfully asleep.

What a change from the last couple of weeks, where a case of slapped cheek, a sore shouldered mummy and a lot of running around all resulted in no day time sleep. At all. Result? One very tired baby and one bewildered mummy.

When the nights started to go downhill even as the illness disappeared it was time to take charge. So hubs and I became those parents. You know...the ones who put their baby to bed and let them protest it out for a little while.

Oh yeah, and we started to reimplement a routine too. Bad, bad mummy!

The outcome? No more than 15 minutes of minor fuss last night before a deep and peaceful 12 hours' sleep. This morning there was only five minutes of half hearted protest before a one and a half hour (and counting) sleep. We have one very very happy, well rested little girl. As such, no debate will be entered into on this subject. You parent your way, and I will parent mine etc etc (much better discussion of this over on Tertia's blog.

Now it's time to take this type of no nonsense approach to my own silly mind, where I am currently torturing myself into an ongoing case of chronic insomnia with the potential implications of hyperthyroidism...when it hasn't been conclusively demonstrated that I even have it yet.

Someone please send me over to the naughty corner for time out.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

A slight hiccup

So we had our follow up appointment with our IVF doctor yesterday. There were no surprises (hubs now has a 100 % antibody level, there's a shock- not)...until we got to our TSH results.

For those of you who aren't in the know, TSH is thyroid stimulating hormone. Your thyroid controls many of the metabolic processes in your body blah blah boring, this is not the time for a first year biology lecture. The normal level of TSH is above the 0.3/0.4 milliblobs a vial of your precious blood. Hubs came in borderline low at 0.2.

I failed spectacularly, at 0.03.

Either the lab stuffed up, or I have developed hyperthyroidism. Yay me! We have had more blood drawn to rule out the former and/or investigate the latter. It's looking suspiciously like the latter, given the following symptoms:

* Dislike of heat (have you seen our power bill for last summer?)
* Unexplained weight loss (I have recently lost somewhere between 3 and 5 kg. Damn, and here I was thinking that I was back to my youthful carefree ability to eat what I want and still stay slim)
* Irritability (ummm but who could notice the difference from my usual state)
* Anxiety (natch, although that little foible is much improved thanks to my friend CBT)
* Fatigue with insomnia (ok, ok, but I am the mother of a 14 month old and that's gotta count for something right?)

Fortunately my eyes aren't bulging, and I don't think I have more palpitations than the average type A perfectionist. Whatever.

To be serious for a moment, untreated thyroid problems can result in recurrent miscarriages and other nasty type situations so I am only too happy to delay IVF until this is all sorted out. But not too long of course.

Just wish I hadn't visited Dr Google, where I have now learned about Grave's Disease, thyroid nodules et al. Now who has palpitations?

Sigh. I guess all will be revealed in two weeks' time at our next appointment. Fingers crossed for lab error, or a one off case of viral thyroiditis (see, I can't help myself)....


ETA: I can't end my post on that note, especially when I have exciting news about the poo monkey. Today she finally let me simply hold her hands so she could go for a walk! Our girl is now also cruising using one hand for support. Can't be long now.

ETA#2: There's more. Little miss can now point to her ears and knees when asked, differentiates between her mouth and teeth, and plays this funny little game where she raises and drops her arms into her lap in response to some silly aaaaahhhh boomp noises we make together. That makes no sense, but just humour me, as it is pure genius of course.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

14 months

And so my darling girl, you are now fourteen months old. Where has the time gone?

You now weight a whopping 12.9 kg, and are 78 cm long...meaning you have grown 25 cm in length and quadrupled your weight since you were born. That simply spins your mummy out. Oh yeah, and with a head circumference of 49 cm we can safely say that there are quite a few brains in that precious noggin of yours.

You are cruising like a champ nowadays, and seem to be ready to take your first step anytime now. Every now and then you take steps, using merely a fingertip of support from the couch before changing your mind, plopping down and crawling off. Forget anyone holding your hands to help, you seem to want to be able to do it all by yourself.

Please don't decide to take your first steps when mummy goes back to work.

You burgeoning vocabulary grows by the day, not only in terms of single words but simple sentences, such as 'that one' and your favourite 'all gone'. You are able to switch the light on your play house on and off, and love to screw and unscrew lids on containers, and sort objects into groups of your own making. Magnets on the fridge are a source of delight, so is the Shape-O (and you are starting to get the idea of that one rather quickly)...as is opening up cupboards. Time for more babyproofing..although you are also surprisingly self restrained, saying 'ta' as you hand over objects you know you aren't supposed to have, and handling things gently when asked. Unless it's Daddy's glasses, which you still try to rip from his face at any given opportunity.

You are down to one nap a day, although you still probably need two given that it is so hard to settle you for your sleep. Somehow you have decided that mummy rubbing your back is a prerequisite for daytime sleep...and I don't mind one bit.

There are still only two teeth in your little rosebud mouth, meaning that the rest are going to come through all at once (eek). I guess that's the next hurdle we face after dealing with your current cold. We have been very lucky, in that this is pretty much your very first proper lurgy, and touch wood will clear up quickly.

Love you so much, my beautiful girl. It is with a mixture of pride and nostalgia that I watch you grow. Take on the world...just not too quickly. Mummy still needs to savour your delightful toddler cuddles, and the baby smell of your sweet head.