Profound...

...actually I lie.

Even though both today and tomorrow are just ordinary days ending in y I wanted to wish you all a happy new year.

We are off to a child friendly BBQ shortly. I won't be drinking and am fairly certain we'll be home before 10.

How times have changed!

Hello fiend part 2

The girls must be psychic, because they let me have almost seven hours sleep in a row last night (yeah I know! And the pixie monster was unwrapped and in a sleeping bag.).

Combine that with toilet training progress for the cheeky monkey girl and the end of my period...my not so fairweather friend is out the back smoking a cigarette and making some calls. So as to speak.

Who knows how long it'll be before she's back?

Hello fiend

She's supposed to be your friend, yet she undermines your confidence and saps you of energy whenever she walks into the room.

She's nice to your face yet belittles you behind your back.

She's a toxic friend, and I am fairly certain that most of you out there have had an unfortunate experience with at least one of these beguiling yet destructive creatures.

One of mine has made a reappearance in my life, although she's not a person, she's a mood. Anxiety has made a stealthy return to my everyday existence.

She crept back in via whispers of self doubt as I try vainly get the pixie monster to self settle and sleep longer. She laughed mockingly in my face as I started, and continue to battle with cheeky monkey girl over behvaioural issues. She sits on my shoulder grinning wickedly as I do battle with my own explosive temper and insecurity. She clapped her hands with glee as I had my first panic attack in a long time yesterday morning.

Bitch.

To be continued...

A wee triumph

Yes, Christmas was a delight for the girls and therefore us parents*.

Festivities aside, I want to beat my chest and proudly proclaim that cheeky monkey girl has finally, finally used the potty for wees.

Yes, we had to set a deadline, ie "the day after Santa comes there'll be no more nappies in the day".

Yes, we had to ignore the tantrums and begging that ensued from the world's most reluctant to give up nappies before they turned twenty one toilet trainer.

Yes, we parents were slightly freaked when it took until 5 pm for the first wee to arrive even though there had been no accidents all day and said child had drank more fluid than it was humanly possible to store in her bladder for that time.

Yes we had to sit our girl on the potty for about half an hour at a time and alternate between:

• simple reassurance "(mummy/daddy/snugzee/hi-5/the girl in your potty book/the omnipresent god that we haven't introduced the concept of to you just yet aren't scared to use the toilet"),

• role modelling ("sure honey, you can watch mummy wee, i'll stand up tall enough so you can crouch down and watch, no you don't need to know what that string hanging out of mummy's bottom is")

• peer pressure ("all of your friends are using the toilet, don't you want to try as well so that you can still be in with the cool kids without having to buy their affection just yet?")

• reverse psychology ("i bet you can't use the potty" "no, don't agree with me (oh ffs where is that parenting manual again)...")

• visual and tactile aids ("see this warm jug of water? now pop your hands in and make a trickling sound, now see mummy pour the water out into the sink in a gentle stream, that's what we want you to do (hee hee, wonder if it really is true that you can make someone pee their pants by dipping their hands in water)....no wait, don't you tip it out as well...ok stop crying, mummy will clean up the water you've tipped all over yourself...")

• bribery ("we'll give you a chocolate frog! a car! your inheritance! just please...one teeny tiny wee....")

• threats ("if you don't do this snugzee gets it and we withdraw all parental affection for you for now and evermore..")

OK, so I made one of those up.

Anyway. Our girl did one wee in the potty yesterday, and two today. Woo hoo!

Just don't ask about the poo. One dose of parachoc, we're still awaiting results. Watch this space if you dare.

In other news, the pixie monster has accepted a whole teaspoon of delicious, lovingly prepared food from a jar. More on that some other time.

*notwithstanding gift issues/lack of sleep/extreme pre lunch tension followed by arrival of post pregnancy period number two. Whatever.

Breastatarianism and (almost) threenage rage

'twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Could be heard Mummy's voice shouting
For the love of God GO TO SLEEEEP!

*********

It's almost a wrap for wrapping the Pixie Monster. We've managed to get to the stage of wrapping with both hands out without losing much more sleep than usual. Little miss does seems happier to sleep with her hands out, probably because now she can get her hands on her favourite comforter, to which her new Snugzee comes a distant second: my bosoms.

Little miss is a confirmed breastatarian. She simply adores being breastfed to sleep, and I take great pleasure in doing so on the days where everything is going smoothly (and yes, it is possible for a post six month old baby to breastfed to sleep and stay asleep longer than forty minutes so nerr). It's just that on those other days, you know the overtired/teething/developmental leap/ who knows why ones that it can be an issue.....

And as for solids....little miss quite frankly isn't that keen, booby monster that she is. I have managed to convince her to sample banana, watermelon, rockmelon and mango by taking the baby led weaning approach and simply handing her bits to try when I have been eating them- and these have been mostly sucked on and any bits broken off spat out before the entire chunk is thrown to the floor.

However this approach has been more successful than spoon feeding. After a four day mouth clamped shut deadlock I had a brainwave (ie, why would a demand fed bub who is used to controlling her own intake and who has never accepted a dummy be willing to open her mouth for something as foreign as a spoon controlled by someone else?) and simply handed over a loaded spoon for little miss to try herself.

We now bub who has taken in teeny tiny bits of rice cereal and EBM...before throwing the spoon away and spitting the majority out.

Thinking that it may have been the fact that rice cereal is about as tasty as cardboard I mixed in some pear puree this morning and handed over the spoon. The result? A baby whose entire body convulsed in a visceral shudder at first taste.

I'm assuming that she'll be weaned by the time she is twenty one.

*********

Conversation with cheeky monkey girl Part 1:

Me: So A, are you going to be a good girl or a naughty girl today?

CMG: I'm going to be a naughty girl.

Me: Why?

CMG: Because I enjoy it

Me: [Walk away so that she can't see me laugh]

Conversation with cheeky monkey girl Part II:

Me (expecting the standard apology after carrying out a standard time out for behaviour): What do you say to Mummy?

CMG: I say NO Mummy, NO...(glaring at me)....bloody hell!

And so it would appear that we have, at two years and almost eleven months, hit the threenage year. Where on earth has this sassy, determined attitude emerged from? And why is it so hard not to laugh and/or when your little one is like a mirror to your own quirks (ahem)?

*******

The other day cheeky monkey girl had a taste of unprovoked violence at the hands of her closest little friend who had dropped in for a quick visit. Us Mums were chatting away while the girls played when all of a sudden CMG let out a sob and we turned to see her playmate absolutely belt her in the face for the second time with one of the dolls from CMG's dollhouse.

This isn't the first time that CMG's friend has lashed out, but it was the most vicious and it happened without any warning as there had been no squabbles over toys or the like. CMG's face came up in a welt, with two gouges under her eye.

At times like these it sucks being a parent and having to take a mature responsible approach. What I really wanted to do after I had calmed CMG down and tended to her wounds was to whisper in her ear "You're bigger, and stronger. Take her on and show her what it's like as you rain down the pain".

What I had to do was to calmly tell my friend (who is at her wits end with her daughter's behaviour) that playtime was over and to take her little girl home.

I was rather proud though when before they left, CMG went up to her friend and said very firmly that "You must NEVER EVER hit me" (in a voice uncannily like mine). And at least CMG is savvy enough to understand that the reason her friend went home was not her fault.

However I am starting to wonder whether attitude is transmissible via minor flesh wounds....

Six months

[This was meant to be posted on Dec 18. But you know how it is with two littlies, especially when one is not sleeping well *ahem littlest miss*. In fact, this is only being written up because I am having a slack tart mummy day and abandoning Cheeky Monkey Girl in front of the TV as I type..]

With no apologies to Dora:

We did it! We did it! Hooray!

And so Pixie Monster is six months old and fully breastfed. And no one from Community Services has turned up to take you away, nor have we had to list you on ebay.

You are an adorable two toothed cherub, rolling everywhere, jolly jumping your heart out and determendly trying to crawl and sit on your own. And you're not far off either of these monumental milestones.

You are so expressive vocally, from your cute tiger like growls and excited shrieks to your contented sighs whenever you are on your beloved boob. Your quiet chats with your snugzee (your new 'lovey' as we wean you off your wrap) are pretty adorable too.

You recognise your own name- and love your big sister's rendition of the daggy 70's song that partially inspired your moniker. Speaking of big sisters you both seem to be involved in a mutual sibling love affair. For now.

Dad's an OK bloke if your toothy grins when he comes home from work are anything to go by....and it's a lovely Mummy ego boost to see the way your whoel face lights up whenever I pick you up out of your cot, as is the way you will throw your whole body towards me whenever someone else dares to hold you.

Your first forays with solids on a spoon have so far been met with utter contempt and determined mouth clamped outright refusal, as tends to be your response towards anything other than the boob(then again, who can blame you, rice cereal is gross and dummies don't have that stretchy nipple twistability..yeowch). You don't seem to mind rusks though, so watch this space. Perhaps it will be finger foods for you, my determinedly independent bub.

Little one, before you were born I was worried about how I could possibly love another child as much as I love your big sister. But then you were here, and I do. To the moon and back.

It is a pleasure to watch you grow and become the very specail and unique little person that is You.

FFS

Sleep! The pair of you! Before 10 pm at night!

Cease and desist with the multiple night wakings.

Please can we get past both of you insisting on mummy and only mummy being there as you go to sleep. Especially if it's the usual 7:30 pm false alarm and both of you are back up at 8pm.

Big miss: please take a day rest in your room for half an hour. For your benefit and mine.

Little miss: please learn to self settle without mummy's boob in your mouth.

Arrrgggghhhhhh............

All i want for Christmas is....

...my two front teeth, according to the pixie monster.

Yep, not even six months old and she has her first two teeth*, and it looks like one of the top two is on the way too.

All I want is to not get bitten between now and next Tuesday, when we will reach the major milestone of six exclusive months of the good old booby juice**.

After that my dear, you are most welcome to tuck into a good steak with your new fangs. Just don't ask for a bottle of house white to go with that.

In other news...the girls had a Santa photo done this week. We travelled all the way down the mountain and into the hills district because I wanted to visit the good Santa at a certain department store, one that I knew would not intimidate Cheeky Monkey Girl (the pixie I wasn't worried about, being a second bub she's used to being dropped into the nearest spare set of hands when they're mericifully available).

There we were, waiting in the queue. And waiting. Ditto same.

Then good Santa went on his lunch break.

I decided to forge ahead with our photo session, given that Cheeky Monkey girl is fixated with turn taking and I didn't need a denial of natural justice/ no reward for patience meltdown at the moment.

Shift change Santa was lovely, but he simply wasn't on a par with good (read sneaky) Santa, who would disappear away from nervous kids only to pop back into shot when said kids were distracted.

To cut a long story short, we have our photo. With both kids smiling, albeit in different directions***.

I just need to turn a blind eye to the fact that Santa, with eyes closed has a very precarious one handed hold on the Pixie monster whilst trying to reach with his other hand to stop cheeky monkey girl from escaping over the other arm rest and is only just in shot. At least she stopped the theatrical pout/ finger up the nose for that one nanosecond.

Good luck with the rest of the season Santa. Next year I suspect my two will be even more mischievious. And they will be in cahoots. God help us all.

*Actually they cut through on Dec 1,that's how up to date I am with this blog. Sigh

** Six months old? How the hell did the time go so fast? Note to self, ensure that I also regale our dear friends inside the 'puter with tales of your rolling, feet chewing, tiger like growling and other such genius like developmental achievements.

*** the pixie at me as always- so nice for the ego until they turn agin you in the toddler years, Cheeky Monkey girl at her Nana who was trying to bribe her with the promise of chocolate/ MY inheritance.